Evening

January 30, 2008 at 12:01 pm (answer, belief, blog, evening, film, health, introspective, journal, life questions, movie, movies, questioning, reflecting, review, sadness, struggle, suffering)

I finished watching this movie today.  It is beautiful.  It was a pleasant surprise to be so moved, especially after having to sit through numerous flops with the past several movies I’ve watched.  It actually stirred me pretty intensely.

This move probably got to me more than it normally would, just because of recently watching my mom deal with her cancer.  In the movie, the main character is an elderly alzheimer’s  patient, remembering her past and reliving certain times.  It jumps back and forth, a lot like The Notebook.

I’ll admit that I’m a complete basketcase right now.  It definitely dug up some emotions I was not expecting to have to deal with on an otherwise normal Wednesday morning.   Life is such a strange entanglement of hope, and joy, and pain.  I hate that so much suffering comes along with aging.  It’s been the most difficult thing in my life this far, just to have to sit back and watch my mom suffer.

I found out this past weekend that my mom’s bloodwork, is again, coming back abnormal.  Which means, the cancer is still present in her body.  What a devastating thing to hear.  Just when she was recovering from her second surgery, having her second round of chemo.  We were all hoping that maybe this would take care of everything and allow her to live her life normally again.  I guess that is too much to ask.  In her own words, we are all just slowly dying.  I know it’s a reality, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

It’s hard for me to process it all.  Hearing my mom talk casually about the end of her life is not something I ever could have prepared for.

So, with all of that said, I have to push forward, with a heavy heart.  I need to head into work and hope no one notices my puffy eyes.