the person I’m not

October 28, 2007 at 12:50 pm (autumn, belief, blog, Blogroll, candy, fall, ghouls, god, halloween, hayride, introspective, journal, judging, judgmental, masks, monsters, prejudice, pretending, punk, rant, reflecting, trick-or-treat, Uncategorized)

I’ve come to realize that the reasons I love fall are plentiful. I love the welcomed change that the season brings. I love the chill in the air, and the crunch of the leaves underneath your feet. I love the colors that surround you as the leaves change. And even though I am not a big fan of the dark (just ask my roomates! I don’t like going out at night) something about the darkness creeping in a little earlier is comforting. It almost helps me unwind for the night a little easier. It inspires me to light my candles and enjoy a book and a glass of wine by the soft glow of the flickering flames.

Halloween is also something I’ve always looked forward to. I know there are so many thoughts on this holiday, but I’m not sure it is appreciate as much as it should be.

Last night I went to Ghouls at Grassmere with my buddy, Alexander, his mom Melinda, and one of their little neighbors, Thomas. There were mini ghouls and goblins walking around everywhere. There were bonfires, and hayrides, and plenty of walking. I have sore feet to prove it and can barely walk today. And who can forget about the candy so plentiful that each and every child was having a sugar induced manic episode.

But I think my favorite part of all was that I got to pretend to be someone I’m not. As an adult, I’ve never really been into dressing up. But over the past few years I’ve gotten used to the idea that it might not be so bad after all. Last night I transformed myself into a punk rocker. Anyone who knows me knows how “normal” I am (and by normal, I mean boring and bland). I am admittedly the least hip person in the world, and I’m ok with that. I prefer my jeans and collared shirt pretty much every day of the week, as long as I can change back into my lounge pants and tshirt as soon as I get back home. But last night I really went all out: Pink and black hair, fake lip/nose piercings, tattoo sleeves, heavy black eyeliner and lipstick. I sort of freaked myself out. But I was so surprised at how much I was able to let my guard down. It’s something I don’t realize is so prevalent in my life until it subsides for a little while. I got some weird looks from people trying to figure out if my piercings were real. I had a couple of people come up and look at my tattoos in awe, only to realize they were fake. For a brief moment of my life, I was part of the edgy crowd. If I had run across anyone I knew, they probably would have no idea who I was. But then, maybe I did run into people I knew, and didn’t recognize them either.

I do believe that is my favorite part of Halloween. For one day out of the year, we lose all of our ideas and pretenses. Our prejudices go out the window. It is a night we are able to just relax a little bit and have fun with the people we are around, whether we know them (or think we don’t know them) or not.

Every year I go trick or treating with Alexander. He and his parents are like my family. I’m usually around at various get togethers they have, and have gotten to know friends and neighbors of theirs. But, when I am out with a legion of masked people, it is hard to tell who I know, and who are just strangers in the mix. I’m forced to treat everyone as if I know them, just in case. Which, really I should do everyday anyway. I have to wonder if that’s really how it’s meant to be. The lines that divide us are faded out beneath the face paint and masks. It allows us all to really come together as one, without our differences being all we can see.

I do believe my new goal in life is to treat everyone as if they are wearing a clown mask. I’ll let you know how that goes.

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