the need for normalcy

October 11, 2007 at 1:15 pm (blog, Blogroll, journal, photo, photography, pictures)

mountain morning

Well, I am back in town. It’s always a good feeling to get back. I am desperately needing to feel like my life is back to normal, though I’m beginning to wonder if there really is such a thing. What is normal to you may not be normal to me. It’s all relative.

I need my routine. I need to feel like life is somewhat back under some sort of control. I don’t know if that is reality, though. I guess it is in our nature to feel like we have control of something that is so extremely uncontrollable. That is a sobering, and strangely comforting, thought.

I got in yesterday afternoon. The drive from GA to Nashville was an easy one. I took it slow, meandering some at first while attempting to take some photos of the early morning mist on the river. I have to admit, though, that I was sort of freaked out. I found a couple of spots to pull off the road and take a little jaunt, halfway expecting to find some strange homeless fisherman waiting at the water’s edge. After some hasty, blurry shots, I jumped back into my car and continued my drive.

misty morning

misty morning

The first thing I did when I got home was to pull open my blinds, only to find that a nest of wasps had made their home inside my window. I ran to get the bug spray and began a lengthy battle. I counted almost 20 little bastards, yet, I somehow escaped unscathed (and more importantly, unstung).

I proceeded to unload my car and begin unpacking. Somewhere in the midst of it all, I decided to rearrange my room, grasping at some vague notion of regaining control. It took until evening for me to finally get things back in order.

My roomate woke me up this morning to the smell of something burning. The heater in our guest room was somehow turned on and nearly caught the bed on fire. There is a big burned spot on the side of the mattress. I guess someone was looking out for us last night.

I’m skipping my first class this morning. I just can’t get myself out of bed and motivated. There’s always next week.

I desperately feel the need to do something “normal”. I need to go buy unnecessary things at the store. I need to spend hours at the bookstore. I need to drink a whole lot of coffee. I need to find pretty things to take pictures of along the way. I need to light all of the candles in my room and read something really significant.

I’ve gotten out of the habit of doing the things that recharge me. I need to figure out how to get back into those things… to read more books, to write down my thoughts, to take photos of the mundane things that make up life, to allow myself to get lost in music, to pick up my guitar and play until my fingers are sore. These are the things that make me feel alive. I really need that right now.

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