Unintentional Mediocrity March 8, 2009

Have you ever come to the realization that your life is mediocre, at best?  You sort of wake up, look around, and wonder how in the world you have become so content with just existing.  It didn’t used to be this way.  Little by little, the mundane took over, and without setting goals and putting a game plan into place, you wake up to the same day, everday.  Time and time again, you are frustrated by the sense of stagnation that surrounds you.

I find myself here.  It’s something that I’ve experienced before, and had made a vow to never let it happen again.  I blame myself, but then I also realize that only blaming myself will make it worse.

It’s a combination of factors, really.  They add up over time, creeping in and grabbing hold of the part of you that wants to stay in bed all day.  It makes me find justification by the many excuses I can come up with that all make sense.

There is a theory I’ve had for a while.  It’s about unintentionally being unintentional.  If you fail to be intentional in your life, then the unintentional mediocrity is bound to take over.

The first step in overcoming this is recognizing it.  This is where I am today.

With so much potential and so much possibility, it’s really a crime to just sit back and let this happen.

And so with that… I am taking the first step in putting a stop to it.  Join me.

Feelin’ Groovy March 1, 2009

I can vividly remember staring at a painting in the doctor’s office I visited as a kid.  I had stared at it so many times before, but I was always fascinated and somewhat perplexed by it.  Spending so much time at the doctor’s office, I had such a familiarity with the surroundings that I can still see them in my mind.  I can recall the giant mural on the wall of a forest scene right from the movie, Bambi.  To pass the time in the waiting room, my Dad would play a game with me that was sort of like an early version of I Spy.  He would tell me to find all 5 of the birds, and I would excitedly count them all, feeling so dignified as I completed the task.

Anyway, back to the painting.  It was such a simple painting.  I didn’t really understand what it meant, or why it was necessary.  I didn’t get why it was placed where it was.  The painting was of Snoopy.  And he had his head thrown back, smiling broadly, and doing a little jig.  That’s all.  He was dancing.  The title at the top:  Feelin’ Groovy.  A simple reminder that we can sometimes choose to feel better, to see the silver lining just inside the dark rain cloud.  A brief realization that the sun is still there, just out of sight, but it will be back before too long.

I’ve had a lot of memories popping up randomly lately. Many of them are of my mom, and they bring tears.  Many of them are of my Dad and they too sometimes bring tears.  It’s a strange season I’m in and I don’t know if I’m a fan of it.  It’s bittersweet to remember some moments and then have the sobering realization that they are a thing of the past.

I’ve been pretty under the weather lately.  As I was thinking of it, I was realizing that I haven’t really been well since Christmas.  Not completely well.  I know it’s winter, and it’s cold season.  I know I’ve had a lot going on, with losing my Mom, and my Dad deciding he only needed one thumb.  Throw in some warmer temps, followed by freezing rainy weather and then another heatwave in February and it’s a perfect recipe for a lung freakout.  Add all of it together, and my soul has felt quite trampled upon.

I realized something today though.  I feel pretty good.   It’s strange to almost forget what that feels like.  It’s a welcomed change to feel the fog lifting some, and being able to see a little more clearly.  And so I am going to take advantage of that while I can.  I’ve got to pull myself up, delve back into the things that make up my life, and get on with it.  I have to make a point to accomplish certain things, or else they will always and forever be something I only plan to do someday, when that day may never come.